Energy and Boundaries Series: Protect, Restore, and Thrive. Part 1: “Energy Drainers: Recognizing What’s Draining Your Emotional Reserves”
Part 1: “Energy Drainers: Recognizing What’s Draining Your Emotional Reserves”
Do you feel tired all the time?
Have you been convinced that’s just what adulthood is?
If so, you are NOT alone.
The reality is, there are MANY factors that contribute to feeling drained, tired all the time and/or chronic fatigue.
As holistic therapists, we often see people feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or stuck, unable to pinpoint why they’re running on empty. While physical fatigue can be easy to recognize, emotional and energetic exhaustion often flies under the radar until it takes a toll on our relationships, mental health, and our physical well-being. Often, emotional and energetic exhaustion gets missed until it has to manifest physically in our bodies – symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, TMJ, weakened immune system, adrenal fatigue, autoimmune conditions – in order to get our attention.
This silent depletion often stems from “energy drainers” – people, situations, habits, unresolved emotional wounding, oppressive societal systems – that unconsciously zap our emotional and energetic reserves.
So, no. Being an adult doesn’t have to mean feeling drained all the time, even though our culture has convinced us that this is normal. Here’s the truth: instead of feeling tired all the time, you could be thriving!
Learning to recognize these drainers and setting loving but firm boundaries is essential for preserving your energy and thriving in life vs. just getting by.
What Are Energy Drainers?
Energy drainers are anything that pull from your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual reserves without replenishing them. They often leave you feeling tired, irritable, or resentful. These can show up in various forms:
Relationships
People who consistently take without giving – chronic complainers, people with negative mindsets, folks who are chronically dissatisfied, or those who don’t respect your boundaries
One-sided dynamics that leave you feeling unheard or undervalued
Emotionally immature people who don’t have the self-awareness or skills to regulate and take responsibility for their own emotions and the trajectory of their lives.
Folks that are chronically dysregulated, also referred to in our society as “dramatic”– these folks tend to always have some sort of conflict, chaos, or crisis going on and pull you into their issues unnecessarily
People with little to no emotional availability so they are unable to provide emotional connection or support when you need it
Environments
Cluttered spaces or chaotic settings that create mental noise
Workplaces or communities that stifle your authenticity or creativity (micromanaging supervisors, unclear expectations, lack of appreciation, etc.)
Living in and navigating an oppressive, patriarchal society (*cough* all of us are doing this *cough*)
Noisy, poorly lit, overly crowded spaces with stale or polluted air
Overly competitive settings where you feel constantly compared to others or pressured to perform
Spaces that are disconnected from nature like some urban spaces devoid of greenery, fresh air or natural beauty
Behaviors/Habits/Tendencies
Overcommitting yourself – saying yes when you want to say no, taking on too many projects or responsibilities without truly having the time, space or energy to put towards these
Mindless scrolling, overconsumption of media, or other distractions that disconnect you from yourself
Poor sleep hygiene – inconsistent sleep schedules or lack of quality sleep
Skipping meals or poor diet – not fueling your body with nutrient dense foods and plenty of water
Lack of boundaries – allowing others to monopolize your time or emotional energy, or not sticking to the boundaries you set and need for yourself
Internal Patterns
Emotional and energetic dysregulation causing over or under activation of your autonomic nervous system therefore zapping your energy. This can look like:
Negative, critical self-talk
Perfectionism and overthinking
People-pleasing
Avoidance or shutting down
Anxiety and depression
Passive aggression
Venting, blaming self or others
Getting flooded by your emotions, unable to turn down the volume on them or unable to create healthy separation from them
Unresolved emotional wounds that keep you stuck in these old patterns – these emotional wounds typically stem from past attachment injuries, stressful and painful experiences, and trauma
The Importance of Boundaries
Metaphorically speaking, boundaries are the energetic fences that protect your inner garden. Without them, even the most grounded person can feel uprooted by the demands of others or their environment.
Healthy boundaries allow you to:
Conserve your energy for what truly matters to you
Create space for self-care and personal growth
Cultivate healthy relationships that nourish rather than deplete you
How to Identify Your Energy Drainers:
Body - Your body is often the first to alert you when something isn’t right. Pay attention to…
Tension or discomfort: Shallow/shaky breathing, tightness in your chest, clenched jaw, tension in the eyebrows and shoulders, fatigue, headache, etc.
Sleep Disturbances: Are certain habits or stressors affecting your sleep quality?
Fatigue Patterns: Notice when you feel unusually sluggish. Is it after certain foods? Activities? Interactions?
Emotion - Notice how you feel after interactions or activities. Do you feel lighter and more uplifted, or drained and resentful?
Mood shifts: Observe if certain interactions, tasks or activities leave you feeling irritable, anxious, or overwhelmed
Lack of enthusiasm: Tasks, environments, or people that consistently feel dull or demotivating might be draining your energy.
Unease or dread: Pay attention to situations that evoke the urge to avoid it or fill your inner system with unease.
Time and Energy Tracking - Keep a log of how you feel before and after events, tasks, conversations, or time spent with others. Patterns will start to emerge that point to your biggest energy drainers.
Journaling: Keep a daily log of how you feel throughout the day and note patterns of feeling drained.
Energy audit: Create a list of activities, people, and commitments and mark them as energy-giving or energy-draining based on your feelings before, during, and after.
Mental and Behavioral - Pay attention to what your head space is like and what behaviors you notice yourself engaging in.
Difficulty focusing: Notice when you find it hard to concentrate or when you feel mentally scattered, especially after spending time with certain people, on certain activities or platforms (ex: social media)
Ruminating thoughts: Track situations or triggers that cause you to overthink or replay events in your mind
Habits: Are activities like procrastination, scrolling on social media, or skipping meals contributing to giving you energy or draining your energy?
Overcommitting: Are you saying “yes” to things out of fear/guilt/obligation, or out of love and genuine interest?
Test by Elimination - After some time spent tuned into your body, emotions, energy and mental experiences, take a break from a specific habit, environment, or relationship for a set period of time. See what happens to your energy during and after this break.
Closing Thoughts
As holistic therapists we hold that your energy is your most precious resource. Training it with the same care you’d give your physical health is a transformative act of self-love. By recognizing and addressing energy drainers, you create space for joy, growth, and meaningful connection.
Remember, where your attention goes your energy flows but you have the power to decide where your attention goes. Choose wisely, and you’ll find yourself with more than enough to thrive.
If you’ve tried identifying your energy drainers before but got stuck, or, if you’d like some compassionate, objective support and guidance in this process - we got you! Just head to the “contact” tab in the upper right-hand corner or our website, submit your contact form and we will be in touch with you ASAP!